Charlie Kaufman: There was this time in high school. I was watching you out the library window. You were talking to Sarah Marsh.
Donald Kaufman: Oh, God. I was so in love with her.
Charlie Kaufman: I know. And you were flirting with her. And she was being really sweet to you.
Donald Kaufman: I remember that.
Charlie Kaufman: Then, when you walked away, she started making fun of you with Kim Canetti. And it was like they were laughing at me. You didn't know at all. You seemed so happy.
Donald Kaufman: I knew. I heard them.
Charlie Kaufman: How come you looked so happy?
Donald Kaufman: I loved Sarah, Charles. It was mine, that love. I owned it. Even Sarah didn't have the right to take it away. I can love whoever I want.
Charlie Kaufman: But she thought you were pathetic.
Donald Kaufman: That was her business, not mine. You are what you love, not what loves you. That's what I decided a long time ago.
Donald Kaufman: What’s up?
Charlie Kaufman: Thank you.

I wonder.

If a tree falls in the forrest, and it's not webcasted or blogged about - does it really make a sound?

hmm.

Knock Yourself The Fuck Out

http://s60.photobucket.com/albums/h26/jasonrose_photos/Video%20work/?action=view&current=DancingwithMyself-NewBucket.flv

The Business Suit Meets The Bathing Suit

What interest do I have in Speedos? For one I was a swimmer, and two it's sort of what I do. So I try to take an active interest in the wide wide world of Olympic sports. The Speedo has evolved since it's barely there laughed at days. I see how it's funny, but it's a world that if you're part of, its not abnormal. Today in New York, Speedo launched their new suit, to debut at the Grand Prix in Columbia Missouri. A handful of swimmers were present for it's unveiling and sat with Matt Lauer on his couch, to talk about the suit and it's ability to navigate through the water faster than ever before. Matt Lauer, clothed in his very professional business suit sat to the right, the handful of swimmers to his left. I still haven't decided yet if a morning talk show is too early to see people in their bathing suit, or if Matt Lauer trying to hold a serious conversation with people only in bathing suits is what's funny.

But it was - funny that is.

Lucy Walker

Secure that a sub sandwich (read previous blog) would not suffice as a mobile communication tool, I again scoured the pacific coast for a new cell phone. I came to purchase the Blackberry Curve in what was a fairly straight forward and all together common transaction. The phone came with many widgets, many of which I’d never figure out how to use. But one, one peeked my interest, that was the GPS unit. Whether it’s a grander conspiracy to monitor my every activity, it would be handy to me now as I navigated my way through my blonde memoir adventures in the fairly enormous metropolis of Los Angeles. She needed a name, for when she gave me poor directions or let me in to heavy congestion, I could properly scold her. But what would I name her? Luckily my Monday left me with ample time for research and I stumbled very soon across Lucy Walker. Lucy Walker was a female explorer who, in the late 1800s, was the first to climb the Matterhorn (of Disneyland fame). When she learned her rival was planning to hike the Matterhorn, she raced to get up there first, clothed in a white dress.

During all this, she managed to live off a diet of cake and champagne.

One upping bitchy rivals while looking cute. Living off cake and champagne.

My kind of gal that Lucy Walker.

Valentines Day Explained

This blog is the direct fault of my friend and all cranky people around the world who hate the day I love so much - Valentines. Feeling unnerved at the negativity, I turn to the blog to educate, inform, and make the world a better place by explaining why Valentines day is actually awesome for 3 reasons (none of which have anything to do with me loving it):

#3 Who are these people who don't love pink and red and sparkly things - who don't love beautiful smelling flowers - heart shaped things - and tasty chocolate? Communists and A holes. Also I'm sure Padres fans.

#2 It's always nice to have people buy you shit. But Valentine's day is a nice reminder you're the sole captain on the road to your own happiness. If you're sitting around today waiting for someone to make you feel good, you probably feel sort of shitty on days other than Valentine's. So stop that. Go get some frozen yogurt. Read a ridiculously good book. And tell someone you can't live without them.

#1 Common misconception: valentines day is about love - and love is about romantic love. Wrong. Valentines day is about love. But love is more awesome than romantic love. It's the interconnectedness that makes me close to all people - the proverbial elmer's school glue of humanity. It's the graceness of God, and the warm feeling of an LA afternoon in the high 70s. It's seeing your parents proud of you, and it's about finally being ok with yourself. It's simple kindness. It's acting out of love in all things. A life without romantic love is a life left slightly incomplete, but it doesn't own love, it shares a small piece of it.

This is my friend Jason's answer to Kitty Bowl 2009.

Sickness and Submarine Sandwiches

I was almost certain I was sick. Chills, the whole thing. I left work early. As it turns out I was just cold. So I will be sure in future trips to the office to bring a sweater.

I used the free time on my hands to look for a new mobile device. I visited AT&T and let's say for brevity's sake it was an ordeal. I left and got a sub sandwich. It was tasty but I'm certain it cann't text message or call long distance. Also, it's in my stomach so a whole lot of good that's gonna do. I will need to find a new cell phone. Or sub sandwich. Whichever comes first.

A Tisket, A Tasket, A Chocolate Muffin Basket

I am not perfect, or close to it. Perfect sounds perfectly boring. What I am is human, frail, and mistake prone. I slip up, loose my way, fall off my path. But I spend quiet moments of reflection pondering, wandering, fixing and doing better. I find my way.

I have learned I should not eat large chocolate muffins for breakfast. They make me feel crappy.

I now know.

The Things I Will Do For A Sticker

It seems essentially hard to ignore and surely I will not be the first to inform you, but today is the day you go vote. Will your vote be counted? Constitutionally it has to. And even better it gives you a reason to gripe with some substance behind it. If you still can't find good cause to vote, despite knowing that many pockets of the world go without any democratic excercise, do it for the goddamn sticker. The things I will do for a sticker.

In late 2006 I was hired by John McCain's political campaign to run the LA office. For the love of sweet Jesus they didn't read blondememoirs, or rather blondememoirs was only a twinkle in my eye, and a secret service background check I did pass. Concered I would be swept off by men in black suites and mic'd up walkies, I kept my top secret job, top secret -- from all but one friend.

"We should have a code name for him," she said.

"Agreed."

"What do you think about cupcake?"

"Well I never did meet a cupcake I didn't like, cupcake it is."

That job didn't pan out, financial problems lef the campaign initially riddled with instability, and a huge payoff for Rebecca bought her many Ugg boots and apple martinis.

I won't tell you who I voted for today, I'm a lady after all. But I am pulling for, supporting, I like me some cupcake.

Early afternoon I engaged in a work project, that when the proverbial dust settled, I was missing one, "I voted" sticker. Would my vote now be counted? What would happen to cupcake? I couldn't be too sure. It seems without the sticker it was a wasted vote. I was concerned, until I remembered I could simply barter for another's. I have promised to finish a new work project by first thing tomorrow morning, for receipt of her "I Voted" sticker.

The Things I Will Do For A Sticker.

...and I think that's super.

Approaching this weekend I had sought out a full weather report to plan my activities appropriately.
“Saturday: 70 and clear. Sunny and only partial clouds in late afternoon.”
Sounds glorious I thought.
And Sunday?
“Sunday: Heavy rain and long periods of high wind. Thunder and lightening highly likely. Flash flood warning.”
And Sunday night? Monday?
Nothing.
Wait, what happens after Sunday? Surely there will be a Monday. I’ve grown accustomed to many Sundays that turn in to Mondays. Some say like clockwork. But with weather like that described on weather.com and no Monday to turn to, could this be it?

I decided to sit this Super Bowl out. I was just generally annoyed by it, and I’m not even sure if I can tell you rationally why that is. If anyone asked it was because the Dodgers didn’t make it this year. But that wasn’t quite it. It was something else which I couldn’t really put my finger on. Either way, I’d just skip it this year. I did catch up with my television sometime later that evening for the Puppy Bowl, followed by the Kitty Bowl – Animal Planet exclusive programming. I’m not sure myself who comes up with this stuff, but its genius really. The Puppy Bowl, much like the Kitty Bowl, consists of puppies being introduced by their name and breed by announcers and running out on a field like stage to play with chew toys and each other. That’s it. There are no other rules. No Jordin Sparks singing the National Anthem, no fancy Bud Light commercials. They didn’t get buckets of Gatorade or ice dumped on them when it was over. The puppy bowl resembles little of its Fox processor and with the one key distinction – everyone’s a winner.

And I think that’s Super.

There was a Monday. For here I am. And you, there you are. Seems the weather.com report was more digital error than an indication of Armageddon. Some would suggest the Giants upset was such an end of world phenomenon. But this isn’t another obnoxious super bowl blog/story/report. Remember I sat it out.

What is super about it?

The official start of baseball. Let me be the first to welcome you. It’s always nice to see you.