Rebecca's Mom Dates On The Internet

I get it, half of everyone's parents split. It blows, you cry, you're kinda resentful for a while, you play them off each other when you're a teenager to get the new Nintendo and see R movies, but eventually you get over it. You grow up, you want your parents to be happy, and you succumb to the inevitable - they will start dating again. Dating is just so ugly that must be why it usually happens to your parents before you get here. But I'm lucky enough to see it now in all it's glory.
So my mom is dating again. She's slimming down, toning up, having coffee dates, buying cute minis - I'm happy for her. Honestly. A few weeks ago she joined jdate. What really could go wrong?

*ring ring*

Mom: "Rebecca - I need you to come over right after work. I accidentally indicated woman seeking woman when I filled out the profile thingy, and I can't get all these women to stop writing to me."

Yes, what could go wrong?

Networking

Making deals and breaking hearts.

"When I think of the Dodgers, I think of efficiency, I think of pride, I think of a measuring stick," Torre said. "You always measured yourself against the Dodgers, because they always did everything right."

A Mad Mad Tea Party of A World

When life gives you lemons, you make a delicious lemon bundt cake.

So last night, I met this guy from Serbia. Which, who are we kidding, he met me. He was gorgeous. Times have been few and far between I have met men that good looking in my short stay on Earth. We were walking from Santa Monica Blvd and Doheny to Sunset and Fuller. Somewhere short of the Astro Burger he professed his love. "We should marry," he says. It's a long walk to Sunset and Fuller. What else would I be doing. I have time to get married on the walk. "Yes I will marry you ." "What will I buy you," he asks. "A golden retriever, of course." "I will buy you this - and what else." "Nothing else. That will be all thank you. I am an independent woman of the 21st century." We argued. As best I understand, he communicated he felt as though the early stage of our marriage was plagued with an inability for him to give me things I needed. I got his point, but I didn't care much for all the arguing, and he still hadn't bought me the golden retriever, so I didn't think the marriage was going to work. "I'd like a divorce," somewhere near Hamburger Mary's. It's been undecided if I'll get the golden, or who will keep it. We haven't reached resolution. I will leave that to my lawyers. I don't know Serbian law. Not familiar.

Then I met another man. His name was Joey. When he asked me questions about myself I gave him all of Alice's information. "My name is Alice and I was peacefully reading a book with my cat Dinah when a white rabbit hurried past me and down a hole and before I knew it I was speaking to hookah smoking caterpillars and having mad tea parties and things of this kind. I don't think he really believed any of that despite the alcohol he was also consuming.

The third and final suitor of the evening was beautiful also. He asked for my phone number and I gave it to him - in sign language, as I walked away, backwards. I don't know my thing with walking backwards - I think it makes me look mysterious. It really just invites tripping over potholes. I'm guessing I won't be getting a phone call on that one.

And when my mom asks when she's getting grandkids "it will be a while" is appropriate.

2007 Holiday Party Season

The joyous season is upon us and to kick it off, Rebecca Wareham is now accepting applications for the 2007 holiday party season.

Serious inquiries only. Submissions with photographs will be given priority review.

Who Wore It Better?

Happy New Britney Music Tuesday Eve

It’s difficult to fathom we’ve all endured as long as we have. Not withstanding a remix album – and a greatest hits – it’s been four years since Britney’s made us new music. On the eve of this most celebrated day, a day which comes two weeks earlier than originally anticipated, a day too long overdue, we blog about all things Britney.

Brought to you in an age where my friend Alisha dressed like Britney looks more like Britney, than Britney dressed like Britney, I understand your curiousness with any interest level in her happenings. There is little doubt - the woman has fallen on some tough times – a “growth year” if you will. That aside, I am happy that despite the train wreck her life continues to become – she remains committed to what she’s good at, having her mediocre voice processed in a studio. Because say what you want, there is little other that can fill up a house party in the valley like the sweet sweet sounds of the southern sweet Britney Jean Spears.

Let’s hope that somewhere in between the scathing reviews and the decent ones, there are just a couple songs that make us get up and dance. For no one’s sake, but my Britney dolls, who have been and continue to be on a timeout. This could be their very last chance at redemption.

Happy new Britney music Tuesday eve, friends, and to all a good night!