When life gives you lemons, you make a delicious lemon bundt cake.
So last night, I met this guy from Serbia. Which, who are we kidding, he met me. He was gorgeous. Times have been few and far between I have met men that good looking in my short stay on Earth. We were walking from Santa Monica Blvd and Doheny to Sunset and Fuller. Somewhere short of the Astro Burger he professed his love. "We should marry," he says. It's a long walk to Sunset and Fuller. What else would I be doing. I have time to get married on the walk. "Yes I will marry you ." "What will I buy you," he asks. "A golden retriever, of course." "I will buy you this - and what else." "Nothing else. That will be all thank you. I am an independent woman of the 21st century." We argued. As best I understand, he communicated he felt as though the early stage of our marriage was plagued with an inability for him to give me things I needed. I got his point, but I didn't care much for all the arguing, and he still hadn't bought me the golden retriever, so I didn't think the marriage was going to work. "I'd like a divorce," somewhere near Hamburger Mary's. It's been undecided if I'll get the golden, or who will keep it. We haven't reached resolution. I will leave that to my lawyers. I don't know Serbian law. Not familiar.
Then I met another man. His name was Joey. When he asked me questions about myself I gave him all of Alice's information. "My name is Alice and I was peacefully reading a book with my cat Dinah when a white rabbit hurried past me and down a hole and before I knew it I was speaking to hookah smoking caterpillars and having mad tea parties and things of this kind. I don't think he really believed any of that despite the alcohol he was also consuming.
The third and final suitor of the evening was beautiful also. He asked for my phone number and I gave it to him - in sign language, as I walked away, backwards. I don't know my thing with walking backwards - I think it makes me look mysterious. It really just invites tripping over potholes. I'm guessing I won't be getting a phone call on that one.
And when my mom asks when she's getting grandkids "it will be a while" is appropriate.
