I read what under normal conditions, on any normal day, by someone who was normal – to be tragic. A one eyed gator, in Venice Florida, pulling a golfer in a pond while he was trying to retrieve his ball. No one was seriously hurt, including the handicapped gator and twice now handicapped golfer (get it, golf, handicapped?). Christ, I thought it was funny, get off my back.
The golfer's name? Bruce Burger.
I'm no advocate of gators attacking humans, but being one eyed, with a name like Burger, creeping on his pond, all I'm saying is I can see the confusion. He probably seemed just too delicious to resist. That's like naming someone Sally Sirloin - or Dan Dodgerdog, as is my case. It was a tragedy just waiting to happen.
Today all I ask is that you view life through the lens of a one eyed gator. When naming children, avoid those names that sound appetizing to an awaiting alligator.
Bruce Burger, oh COME on!
